Are You Somewhere Feeling Lonely
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: The trouble is timing, and, somehow, Remus and Sirius always seemed to miss each other.


**A/N 1:** This is a Christmas present for Exceeds Expectations. Happy holidays! I hope you enjoy.  
**A/N 2:** Each little segment jumps a few years in time. Just to clarify.

* * *

"You should be in bed, Moony. It's midnight."

Remus glanced up from his book, smiling at Sirius. "So should you," he pointed out, stretching comfortably in his favorite chair in the common room.

A grin tugged at the other boy's lips as he sat across from Remus, feet propping lazily on the low table. "The difference is," Sirius said, "you're a good boy who follows the rules like his life depends on it. I, on the other hand, am not."

"No arguments there," Remus agreed, not without affection.

He tried to return his attention to his book, but it was difficult. Even just sitting there, doing nothing, Sirius was very distracting. Not that it mattered.

Sirius was his friend. Nothing more. No amount of hoping and dreaming on Remus' part would ever change that.

"Have you ever been on a date?" Sirius asked suddenly.

A hard lump formed in Remus' throat. Trying to swallow it down, he shifted his gaze to Sirius, eyes wide in surprise. "No," he admitted quietly.

For a moment, Sirius looked disappointed. Shrugging, he said, "Well, what would you want to do on one?"

"Start of with a walk in the snow," Remus answered, smiling to himself. "Then tea to warm us up. A trip to the book, ending with a light lunch."

Sirius nodded, his expression strangely thoughtful. "I see."

"Why?" Remus asked, trying to sound casual about it and keep the hope from his voice.

"I have a date with Marlene on Saturday," Sirius announced proudly, a triumphant grin on his face. "She reminds of you. Smart and all that rubbish. I knew you'd be able to help. Thanks, mate."

Remus felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. He returned his attention to his book, but the words on the page seemed to blur into one long line of gibberish. "Congratulations," he muttered, eyes burning from tears he couldn't let fall.

OoOoO

Sometimes, the prisoners received letters and visitors. Sirius was never surprised that nothing and no one came for him. All he had left was Remus, and Remus believed him to be a traitorous villain. No one mourned the wicked.

Six months. For half a year, Sirius had only the screams of his fellow inmates for company. Sometimes, he screamed with them, not from anguish, but as a reminder that he still could.

Then the letter came. Sirius recognized the tidy cursive immediately. Moony, his Moony, hadn't given up on him after all. Somehow, there was still hope.

Sirius tore into the envelope, nearly ripping the letter in his haste. Silently scolding himself for being so careless, he he smoothed out the parchment.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_I read somewhere that forgiveness is the first step to closure. Load of rubbish. I've tried too many times. Really, I have, but I just can't forgive you. _

_Who do you think you are? You've taken everything from me. Lily, James, Peter. They're all dead because of you, and you're as good as dead now. Me? I'm left with nothing. Alone again._

_Do you know what the worst part is? I can't even hate you. I've tried, and I can't. The truth is I'll always love you. _

_I guess this is my step to closure. Goodbye, Sirius. _

_Always,_

_Remus_

The letter fell from his hands, drifting to the floor. In that moment, Sirius realized how much he needed Remus, how much he'd always loved him.

But it was too late. Sirius was truly alone.

The man dropped to his knees, trembling hands wrapping around the bars of the cell. Now, he did scream, a true scream, not one just to remind himself that he was still alive.

OoOoO

Sirius was back. Sirius was innocent. It had taken every ounce of restraint for Remus not to pull the other man close and never let go.

Everything would be okay now. They would hand Peter over and clear Sirius' name. Nothing would stop them. Nothing would happen.

Remus and Sirius exchanged small smiles. The silent looks, so precious and silent, said everything they couldn't voice in front of Harry and his friends.

I love you. I missed you. All is forgiven, and we can start fresh. Everything will be okay.

OoOoO

"Are you sure it's safe for you to come with us to the Ministry?" Remus asked uncertainly.

Sirius felt his face heat with color. "That's my godson in danger, in case you've forgotten!" he snapped angrily.

Remus held his hands up defensively, taking a step back. "I know that," he assured him quickly. "But you're a wanted man. If anyone sees you-"

"I don't give a damn about myself, Moony!" Sirius barked. "They can throw me back in Azkaban if it means protecting Harry!"

Remus sighed, his expression almost amused. Pushing a hand through his tawny hair, he laughed dryly. "You never change."

Sirius nodded his agreement, grateful that the subject seemed to have dropped. His eyes met Remus', and he shifted awkwardly. He felt as though he needed to say something deep and meaningful, but nothing came to mind. Even as an adult, serious moments were not his strong point.

Instead, Remus took the lead, throwing his arms around Sirius, holding him close. "Just..be careful," he whispered. "You may not care what happens to you, but I do."

Their lips met, the kiss screaming of need and desperation, of the desire to love and to be loved. For just one moment, his fingers twisting and tangling in Remus' hair, nothing else mattered.

Behind them came a pointed cough and the clearing of a throat. "Sorry to interrupt your cozy moment," Moody growled, not sounding at all sorry, "but there's still a pressing matter at the Ministry. Unless you two would rather get a room."

Sirius pulled away sheepishly. In all the excitement, he'd forgotten how public they were in the middle of headquarters, and that the other Order members would undoubtedly join them before dispatching.

Reaching out, he gave Remus' hand a gentle squeeze. "I promise I'll come back. For you."

OoOoO

Remus blamed himself. He should have tried harder to get Sirius to stay behind. Perhaps if he'd begged and pleaded, Sirius would have listened. He'd still be alive.

Kingsley tried to comfort Remus. Though his deep, reassuring voice was soothing, it did little good.

"He died the way he would have wanted," Kingsley said softly. "A free man, outside, in the heart of battle, not caged in here like a prisoner."

Remus pretended the kind, wise words helped. He nodded his head mutely, feeling numb. Not once did he tell Kingsley how very wrong he was.

Sirius had promised to come back for him. Free or not, he would not have wanted to die if it meant leaving Remus alone again.


End file.
